Miss So-And-So

Miss So-And-So wants you to think that she's clever and she's witty and smart and most of all Interesting

but she's not.

You can tell she's not as she is trying oh so very hard to convince you she is

Because of course anyone who is *truly* interesting would never concern herself with what others thought of her

as she would be far too busy contemplating quantum mechanics or whether dolphins have names for each other in their own

secret

language

Miss So-And-So is burdened by both.

Have you ever wondered if there was a quantifiable way to measure someone's interest in a subject? Such as a not-so-interesting girl?

Miss So-And-So then wonders what her secret dolphin name would be.

Miss So-And-So wishes she were in a straight jacket or locked in a dungeon or

at least

On some very difficult to pronounce medication which would validate her extemporaneous forays into the whimsical and the dare-I-say profound.

But alas

The most judicious explanation to account for her frequent lapses--too far into cerebral terraces of abstracts and speculation to be considered responsible, yet too far from the truly inspired to be considered sage, is that perhaps today

like most days

Miss So-and-So has simply had too much caffeine.

Creativity Incubation

Sometimes, I stop to think how cool my parents are. Sure, imperfect, but still pretty great.

One of the best things about my mom, a constant throughout my life, is that no matter how silly, long-winded or convoluted my writing is, she's always willing to hear me read it aloud. I can ramble about anything and nothing nigh on incessantly (and do) and she'll listen patiently, offering insights and new perspectives, and mostly just letting me bounce ideas off her.

Having observeed other families, I've realized some of the consequences of this environment.

One is that I'm not ashamed of my creativity. This sounds odd on the face of it; don't most parents want to encourage their children's passions? The negative answer is two-fold.

The "you can be anything you want to be" is a uniquely Western notion, and one that is slowly losing popularity as people become more aware of the limitations set by race, class, gender and geographical location. Even then, many parents push their children, understandably, to more "practical endeavors." There is simply little security in creative endeavors.

The second, and probably more damaging issue is when parents make the child insecure about WHAT they produce. This is what I see more often.

I have a friend who uses a nomme de plum for everything he writes because he is afraid his parents will read it and interrogate him about it. For whatever reason, they simply do not understand his views and the ways he chooses to express himself.

At best, this makes the individual uncomfortable. At worst, it can make him or her ashamed, which can be very destructive. Certainly, there are probably fantasies, lines of thinking, etc that should be encouraged. But such situations will be rare, and more often, the categorical insecurity that forces an individual to hide his or her own creations from the people who should be encouraging, and maybe even guiding to a point can't end well for anyone. If nothing else, it stifles creativity and can make the individual give up his/her passion altogether.

Considering how many other factors work against artistic types (usually logistical problems), adding more to the burden is unfortunate.

This may seem trivial, but it's only a short stagger between being embarassed by your creation and being embarassed by yourself. We put pieces of ourselves in everything we generate, and having it overlooked, shredded or in other ways abused can truly affect us personally.

I think I had more to say but I can't remember it now. I guess I'm just glad that I've always felt comfortable sharing my writing or "art" with my parents and even if they didn't care for the subject matter, they were always willing to listen.

Maybe I will ask my mom what she thinks.

Today

This is going to sound silly.

I found myself wondering what the appropriate memorial greeting was. After all, 'Happy September 11th' sounds like a twisted joke. What are we supposed to do? How are we suppose to commune with others, let them know we share their suffering, to come closer as a community?

The difference is not so obvious. After all, we say 'Happy Memorial Day' and 'Happy Veterans Day' and they involve remembering tragedies. And really, when you think about it, virtually all holidays, whatever your religious or cultural preference or reality probably involves death somewhere. Because that's what holidays are for. It's a national grieving period, and thusly, like all proper wakes, a celebration of life, renewal, improvement. Two sides of the same confetti coin.

But I don't think anyone will say 'Happy September 11th' today.

Maybe someday, years from now, when all those who will remember it are gone and card companies need a boost and the government needs a distraction from yet another PR disaster...they will institute a national day of recognition. They'll have to come up with a catchy name for it. Maybe then, they will say 'Happy...'.

But not today.

Part of that, I think, is because of the two sides idea. All of our holidays revolve around both death, and live. Even Christmas. The birth of the Savior is made all the more meaningful with the knowledge of His eventual sacrifice. The opposite side is Easter. The Crucifixion gives more awe and significance to the Resurrection. Thanksgiving, well...that's obvious. So is Columbus day.

Death and renewal. Mourning and celebrating. Maybe they're societally necessary. But this duality is why we will not say 'Happy September 11th,' why instead, there will be people all over the country who are quieter than usual. Even in this early gray hours, I imagine the air itself will seem heavier, faces will be grimmer. Everyone will have thoughts unspoken. And we won't share them. Despite it being a very national experience, our grief will be our own, our personal feelings.

Certainly there will be...loud individuals, those who have decided that THEY get to determine what today should mean. Maybe they'll burn another people's holy book, maybe they'll have a parade or protest and maybe they'll just talk about it on TV while everyone nods as if something profound is happening.

But it won't be the same. And I will tell you why.

Even after nine years, we STILL don't know how to DEAL with this yet. We haven't moved on. Holidays, HOLY DAYS...death and renewal. Loss and rejuvenation. It's that second part that trips us up. The suffering is still fresh in our collective consciousness because to this day, it seems. So. POINTLESS.

We haven't gained anything from it, even our brief rally-round-the-flag feeling was exploited to unfortunate ends that have done little to improve our lives or the lives of others (though certainly, some good has been wrought). We haven't been renewed yet, we have nothing to celebrate. Hell, we're bickering over a community's desire to exercise their Constitutional right, demonstrating how confused and scared and hurt we still are. There's been little healing that I can see.

We remember Veterans on Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, D-Day, V-Day...in order to thank them for helping us WIN. Their sacrifice would seem in vain if they'd done otherwise. Without victory, we couldn't even HAVE such celebrations.

So far, I've seen no such victory to give meaning and sense to the countless who died...less than five hours from now, nine years ago. And all the hurt that came of it. I don't wish to demean or besmirch them in any way, and I think it is GOOD that we remember them, that we still mourn them even as we strive to move past our grief and work towards a more positive future. One in which, I hope, terrorism finds no foothold and innocent civilians aren't slaughtered in the name of ideas that can't be fought, only died for.

This is why no one will say 'Happy September 11th.' There's nothing happy about it. Maybe someday there will be, some good that rises from the ashes of the Trade Centers. Someday we will say 'That was terrible, but look how...'

But not today.

Today, our heads will hang a little lower, we will sigh a few more times than usual. We will REMEMBER and we will mourn. We may not even be sure what we're mourning. The loss of a certain innocence, the beginning of a new time of fear and violence, the death of thousands of civilians and subsequently thousands of soldiers and even more civilians in countries we don't even correctly pronounce the name of half the time. We will remember the shock, the loss for words as somewhere in our heads, we screamed, "This cannot be happening."

Maybe we will remember the moment we realized things were never going to be totally the same again. Something changed. It's chimeric, and we may never be able to quantify it, but the change is there.

Maybe...if we're feeling cynical...we'll remember the individuals, the groups that then and now try to use our grief as a platform for their own ends, confused, misguided or just plain wrong though they may be. But I don't think we'll dwell on them for long.

We see the consequences of this day everywhere. It is now woven into our national fabric.

Today, we just remember THIS day. Not what came after. Not what could have been, though certainly that is laced into the grief. Just today.

And even though it will have different meaning for all of us, as separate as the geographical divides of this huge, great nation, somewhere, I hope some small part of us takes comfort in the knowledge that on some level, we are all remembering today together.

Even though we won't say it.

Heroes

There's one thing all tales of heroes, all epic legends have in common.

The life of the hero is never easy.

The short, simple answer is because peace, happiness and tranquility is just plain boring without the drama of danger and suspense.

In other words, it's what sells.

Personally, I've never been a fan of the pat answers.

Perhaps, it is because OUR lives are not easy and so those who live extroadinary lives must have extroadinary problems.



Perhaps, as in so many other ways, like in everything else, the hero makes a sacrifice for us. They remind us that somewhere, someone's life sucks more than our own.

It is not enough, apparently, to inspire hope, courage, determination.
We also require their suffering.

I wonder what other creatures deman so much.

Failblog

Wow, July. That was a while ago. I've frequently thought of things I would like to talk about but I always end up ranting to whoever is around and then lose the fire to type it all out. Plus I figure anyone who cares what I think enough to read this, I probably have talked to about it anyway. This is mostly self-defeating because I honestly would like to be a solid blogger, like my friend Cynthia.

So with that redundant explanation, let's move on.

Usually, to get me to write, you have to make me angry. Not mad, being mad burns out quickly. Honesy-to-God righteous indignation, that's a gift that keeps on giving.

So first, let me introduce a new word for everyone.

Conflate, verb. The noun is "conflation." It is when you mistakenly equate two things that are separate. That is, you think things are the same when they are not. This is done on a nigh daily basis, usually benignly and frequently without any consequence other than the individual being (sometimes understandably) confused.

Other times, it could very well lead to bloodshed.

A few weeks ago, my brother asked me what I thought of the whole "Mosque at Ground Zero" controversy. Due mostly to being buried under work and getting future plans worked out, I had honestly no idea what he was talking about, and therefore didn't feel I could make an educated response.

My first response, and one of the points that I don't feel is REALLY under contention is that they are legally allowed to build a worship center anywhere they want, without federal intervention.

So the issue becomes not "can they" but "should they?" I said I thought it was a community issue, they should talk it out in a civil manner that would be educational to all parties and if the community was simply too offended, then maybe it shouldn't be built. My brother said something that seems to be a common feeling in this country. He said "It offends me as an American."

This bothered me a bit but again, I didn't know all the facts, so I didn't think I should respond. There also seemed to be a feeling that the President was siding with the Muslims and endorsing the worship center, which isn't his place.

Well, now I've done some checking and feel I can speak to the issue better.

First, I remind the class that freedom of religion means everyone's religion, not just the ones we like. In the end, our opinions don't really matter because if they want to build it, they will, and that is their constitutional right. End of story.

Secondly, this worship center isn't AT Ground Zero, it is not being built on the rubble of the Trade Centers. It's a few blocks away and there are already other Mosques, at least one, that is actually closer. I think saying "Mosque at Ground Zero" is purposefully inflammatory and misleading, and like so much of this contrary, dependent on the ignorance of the populace. So the idea that this is a conscious slap in America's collective face is already refuted. I do not believe the Muslims behind building this center--most of whom have shown themselves to be moderate--are trying to hurt anyone. I admit, they should have been prepared for this to become a firestorm, and maybe they did, but I don't think they chose the location for that reason.

Thirdly, *I* am NOT offended as an American. To be honest, I'm much more offended by the visceral, usually ignorant, sometimes downright hateful, but mostly just knee-jerk reaction of the Americans I've heard. This sort of issue should be handled with sensitivity, civility and respect. Instead, we get "Not In My Backyard" on a national level. Guess what? It's THEIR backyard, too. I have always been proud of America's inclusiveness, that our national identity is made up of a variety of flavors. However, this means America will only work if we choose to let it. And sometimes people don't seem to want to do that.

So why are people offended? This is where our friend "conflation" comes in. People seem to have mixed up "Muslim" with "terrorist." While it *should* go without saying, I'm going to anyway: they are NOT the same. There are over a billion Muslims in the world. Maybe a few thousand are "violent extremists." That means the vast majority are peaceful, probably similar to us in more ways than they are different.

The Muslims who are pushing for this center are, as far as I know, peaceable, moderate people, who just want to worship their way.

This is why wars on ideas never work and have so many unfortunate consequences. It is also the problem of terrorism. The rules are different, we can fight conventionally. We aren't fighting the Muslims or the Afghanis or the Iraqis. We are fighting terrorists and criminals.

Someone once said that humans are the instruments of ideologies. While this is true, I argue that ideologies are also the tools of people. After all, there are people who claim to subscribe to the same ideologies I do, yet act in a way that I find morally reprehensible. I'm sure many Muslims feel the same.

It bothers me that people don't recognize bombing abortion clinics, and events like that, as domestic terrorism. It seems the height of hypocrisy. But, they retort, those people are evil and doing evil things. We are getting rid of armful elements.
What do you think the terrorists think THEY'RE doing? And you can't say, "but they're wrong and we're right" because that means not only are you a hypocrite, you're also incredibly arrogant.

I'm sure many of these terrible acts are committed by people claiming they are doing God's will. But in the end, they are just fallible humans, choosing to enforce their personal beliefs on others. At that point, it doesn't even MATTER if they were right or not. A God that asks you to cowardly bomb undefended individuals, however you disagree with them, is not a God worthy of worship. There are better ways to make your case, to further your cause.
My point is that the truly broken inside would have found a way to be violent anyway. The fact that they use their religion as a smokescreen does not make it that religion's fault. There's good and bad in all of us, and there are good and bad elements to every group. We are all imperfect humans.

So I wanted to say: Dear America, this shouldn't offend you. Get over your small minded, ignorant hangups and learn to respect the views of others. The Worship Center is *not* a victory for the terrorists, your close-minded self-aggrandizing response is. Put simply, you're making us look bad.

And that would have been that.

Until yesterday.

The whole thing with the Mosque was mildly irritating but at least I could more or less understand where people were coming from. 9/11 is still a raw nerve, still a deep scar in our national soul. I feel some leniency should be given to the high running emotions that go with it.

That does not, nor does anything else, justify burning Q'urans to "memorialize it." I honestly can't even wrap my head around this. The level of "not okay" is in the stratosphere. I don't like it when people burn American flags. I remember becoming incensed when some kids at my university were using the Bible as a kick ball.
For one thing, NO book, not even Twilight, should be so mistreated. Books should be respected, if only for being books. For another thing, it is extremely disrespectful. You can respect other views even if you don't share them, even if you're opposed to them. When we start deciding who does and does not get to have what views is when we reach a new dystopic low.

So, of course, when I found out this was being done by a "church" I was furious. This is exactly what I was talking about. Now, if I tell someone I'm a Christian, I have to disclaim it and say "but I'm not THAT kind of Christian." It's stomach-turning that I should have to do that.

As General Patreaus has already said, this could have serious consequences for our soldiers. It could effectively set us back by years. We are already failing to win the hearts of the Afghan people so of course they don't want to help us. Now we run the risk of turning millions of otherwise peaceful people into radicals. I mean, what would YOU do if someone was going to burn YOUR holy book? There's no excuse for this.

Now, under freedom of religion, I concede that this could be protected. However, under freedom if speech, it's not. Hate speech is not protected by the Constitution, and that's exactly what this is.

As if all this wasn't bad enough, the Florida pastor who is spearheading this has already shown himself to be less than reputable when he was sent away from one church for dipping into it's funds for his own personal use. I don't find that really relevant to this issue though, it's horrid enough on it's own.

It makes me plenty angry, but do I wish ill on them? No. I don't want them to be bombed, vandalized or hurt in any way. I just want them to recognize that the God they claim to follow is one of love and that only he who is perfect should cast the first stone.

I think people, not just Americans, but all people, should just get over themselves.

And I truly hope things don't get worse.

On the frequently demonstrated but infrequently considered...

There are, I'm positive, countless blogs on the nature of fandom. Some of which exist for the very discussion which will be addressed below. As for myself, I've had numerous conversations with friends, fan and nonfan alike, which, if I had any kind of decent memory, I'd love to transcribe for the sake of internet discussion.

This subject is just one of the potentials, just one issue that has recently come up.

Everyone has things they like, things they are fans of, at various degrees of interest and devotion. Conversely, everyone has things they don't like, from disinterest to vehement disdain. There are people who have no strong feelings about much of anything, but no one is completely devoid of opinion.

Nerds or fans, are naturally the most vocal. Anyone who has stumbled onto the internet (that's you) would have to travel in very limited circles to never come in contact with fans, trolls and others of the grammatically impaired who triumphantly declare their Thing the most, best, etc.

Part of this stems from the fact that nerds appear to be slaves to hierarchy. The appeal to stereotype would be to say nerds were/are so used to being the bottom of any totem pole that once they were passed the point of being shoved into lockers, they had to set up new totems on which to place themselves.

Part of it stems from human entitlement. The problem with fandom is that at its core, it is the internalization and personalization of an opinion. It is the movement from 'Yeah, this is something I think of positively' to 'My opinion of this is now part of my identity.' The consequence is that any disagreement amounts to an attack on the individual's character and personal identity.

These two considerations create an Oroboros of angst I like to refer to as Punch-You-In-The-Face-Hatred.

An otherwise rational and intelligent friend of mine is a fan of the Twilight series. As you can probably guess from that drive-by snarkiness, I am not. My level of disgust felt for these books has reached capacities I did not know I was capable of and there is no metaphor hyperbolic or graphic enough to fully convey my true feelings. He (yes, it's a he) asked me today, in all sincerity, why I, and others like me, have such a visceral reaction to the series.

The answer, as you can imagine, was probably way more convoluted than he wanted, so I attempt to disentangle it here, and hopefully, this argument can be generalized to other subjects.

Step 1: Have something you don't care for. There are a lot of reasons, both silly and legitimate that I don't like Twilight, but for the most part, I could write it off as trashy teenybopper nonsense and not give it a second thought. There are lots of things like that, probably most I'm not even aware of. The issue comes from...

Step 2: Have it be stupid popular. This is where everything goes South. Now, usually non-troll people, that is, those who don't wish to fight with others over opinions, simply do not want to deal. I would be happy if I just didn't have to talk to Twilight fans (I dislike the terms Twitard or Twihard for the simple reason that I consider it unfair to individuals with cognitive disabilities). But this is no longer an option because they're EVERYWHERE. This is particularly an issue for me because I live in the Pacific Northwest. In fact, I had my honeymoon very close to Forks, Washington. I live in the town that Bella and Edward had their first date. So not only do I deal with the ubiquitous fandom of teenage girls (and boys), I get to deal with people who travel all over the world for the chance to sleep in the room where "Edward and Bella had their wedding night."

I remind the class that we are talking about fictional characters. They never visited here. They never ate in our restaurants or slept in our hotels. They do not exist. But I have to smile and nod because it's doing great things for our economy and we can't alienate the fans even though they do things like pester the Quileute tribe by asking them if they're really werewolves and desecrate their sacred burial grounds (no, I'm not making this up.

As one friend put it, they're up in my grill.

But really, this could apply to anything that achieves popularity because popularity is assumed to lend legitimacy. "If so many people like it, it can't be that bad" or "If it's successful, who cares if the writer is an uninspired hack?" Ahem. It would be hypocritical to totally dismiss this argument. We have all, at some point, defended something we like, especially in terms of literature, and have used the 'success' argument. The issue is that it forces us to confront something we didn't like in the first place, over and over and over again, which is grating, frustrating and inevitably leads to greater agitation every time it is mentioned.

This will ruin many things. I have friends who can't listen to some bands, regardless of talent because they were forced to hear devoted fans incessantly gush about how great the band was. Whereas before, my friends had no opinion, now they automatically react with disdain. Unfair? Probably, but totally understandable.

There is also the desire, particularly among nerds, to not appear to be 'jumping on the bandwagon' just because something is popular. This can be silly, but it's an almost automatic, sub-conscious motivation. Of course, the irony is that the desire to not be 'a tool' or a 'poser' usually leads people to not like something because they think it will make them look cool. Being anti-establishment, and all that.

So in conclusion, people don't like being surrounded by evidence of an object (in this case, a series) they don't care for or like, especially when they are made to feel antagonized by the fans, of whom there have become many. This is what leads someone to PYITF hatred. We define ourselves by who we are and who we are not. When constantly surrounded by who-we-are-not, this creates a stronger identity of someone who is against said object and makes them react more emotionally to it.

Post-Script:

I personally, have an issue with the Twilight series, that I know many others share and illustrates another reason people react viscerally to a popular trend. Remember that thing about feeling personal identity is attacked? And then remember that discussion about 'tools'? Both go in here.

The common term is 'hipsterizing'; that is, people demonstrating an interest, or taking on characteristics of a subgroup because it now popular or linked to something considered illegitimate by said subgroup.

Put simply, goths hate Twilight. Did everyone see that episode of South Park? Because it pretty much sums up the frustration. Even if an individual doesn't want to be 'labeled' (and most don't), if they had any predilection or characteristic before...say to frequently wear black, or like heavy jewelry with a theme of crosses, skulls, wings, etc...even if they've behaved that way for years, even decades, they are now lumped with Lisa Frank loving preteens who bolster Hot Topic sales in an attempt to emulate vampires who SPARKLE in the sun. It is very discouraging.

I was walking home, dressed in what I consider common 'me' attire. Black pants, a white button up shirt and black lace suspenders, a choker and a necklace of two skeleton hands holding an ornate cross. As I passed a group of jocks (basketball shorts, sneakers, baseball hats, shirtless, etc), one of them starts laughing and says to me, "Are you supposed to be out in the sun? Doesn't your kind sparkle or something?" All his friends laughed.

This was intensely aggravating and downright insulting. I have dressed the way I do my entire life, but, with zero provocation, an entire group of people have written me off as a wannabe vampire-lover. I am now associated with something I despise. This is, admittedly, a danger of being associated with any stereotype. I don't want people to assume I cut myself or sacrifice children to the devil either. But because of the popularity of the series, it is much more likely I will have to defend myself against charges of goth-poserness than anything else. It's a pretty classic 'We were here first' reaction that members of the fan community have some familiarity with. 'Oh, we were into that before it was cool.' Especially as we get older, and peripheral, 'fringe' groups and interests get mainstreamed. It is a natural defensiveness because we take our identities seriously (obviously) and feel threatened when we realize we don't have total control over what is and what is not included into a subgroup we belong to. Playing Madden does not make you a gamer. Wearing a top hat does not make you steam punk.

Where's the line? Honestly, that's the kind of thing that could be argued forever, and probably will. All identities are in a state of flux, and there is a constant dialogue between the individual and society (or in this case, societies) to determine legitimacy.

It just goes with the territory.

I Believe

So, as you may know, right now there is a project going on called 1Book1Twitter. Think of it as a giant reading circle on the internet. I desperately wanted to be part of this, but unfortunately, was simply too busy with school. Part of my desire came from the fact they were reading "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman (who at this point, is pretty much my favorite writer ever). Even though I could not participate, I followed along loosely. Today, Mr. Gaiman posted a shirt that I would really love to get, which comes from a speech made in the book. I read the speech and was floored by how close to my own philosophy it followed. I swear, sometimes I think the man is a prophet.

Here is the speech:

“I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen – I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”

After having read this (and after picking my brain matter off the wall), I started writing my own sort of 'belief' poem (instead of taking notes in class). Here is what I came up with:

-I believe if dining halls didn't want us to steal bananas, they shouldn't charge 9.78 for their crappy cafeteria food. I believe teachers are grossly underpaid and that they bitch about it too much. I believe in cold pizza on couches and stale fries in backpacks. I believe in the Story. I believe it does not matter that there's no evidence oft he Jews being in Egypt, and that the Sphinx was not built by slaves; the story of the Exodus is still TRUE, regardless of if it actually happened. I believe you are not BETTER if you are stronger, smarter or more ambitious. I believe people will appropriate any document to justify their position.I believe it's silly to wear plastic galoshes and short skirts at the same time, since EVERYONE knows the purpose of rain boots is to make jumping in puddles easier.
Or maybe it's better so you don't soak your pants, since few things are more unpleasant. I believe there's only one true path, and we can never be certain we're on it and anyone who says they are, live like a diver walking along the sea floor, in one of those diving suits the bad guys wear in Scooby Doo. I believe Joseph Smith was either crazy or a conman and that this does not make Mormons or their faith illegitimate. I believe you can tell what groups are considered the "enemy" by who our comic book heroes are fighting. I believe professionalism should not require you to give up who you are, but it does and maybe it needs to. I believe in divine healing and I believe those douche bags who spend millions of donation dollars on private planes don't have it. I believe the Devil has better things to do than bothering infecting your kids through Magic the Gathering, rock and roll, Dungeons and Dragons and Harry Potter. I believe no on has ever been convinced or "woken up" by someone blowing up a building. I believe the best socializers are South Park and the Daily Show and college kids should be required to watch it. I believe sky scrapers and condoms are as much a part of nature as beaver dams and glaciers. I believe money and time spent in the service of others is never wasted. I believe it is completely possible to think a war is stupid, wasteful and corrupt and still admire and encourage those who fight it. I believe those who advocate direct democracy, total socialism, or otherwise gripe about our government should travel internationally so they begin to comprehend just how BIG the United States is. I also believe it wouldn't make much difference to them. I believe philosophy isn't dead, it has just changed addresses. Now we call it Science Fiction. I believe anything you say can and will be used against you in a Goggle Search. I believe in spanking, biting and handcuffing...someone you love very much. I believe that anyone who considers killing innocent people as an appropriate way of dealing with anyone is not intelligent, misunderstood or functional, only selfish and suicidal. I believe the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution are mind-blowingly amazing living documents that changed the world amongst great odds. I believe that in no way diminishes the tragedy of tolerated slavery, which led to a century of pain and a Civil War we should never have needed to fight and generations of racism we've yet to overcome. Nor does it absolve the founding Fathers from the responsibility of dehumanizing and subjugating other people. I believe there should be a dictionary called "Obscure Words for Pretentious People to Feel Haughty for Knowing" which will be self-defeating since everyone is pretentious on some level and once everyone knows them, they're not obscure anymore, are they? I believe hoods, cloaks, high Edwardian collars and double-breasted longcoats should come back into fashion, but I don't want them to because I'm secretly afraid others will look better in them and I won't even have the benefit of being strange and unique. I believe every person on the bus has a secret story...the difference is some read like Neil Gamian and some read like Stephanie Meyer. I believe in free will and I believe in destiny and I don't claim to understand how either work, let alone how they work together. I believe in tipping food service workers even when you don't think they deserve it or as much as you're giving because at some karmic point, we have all been them. I believe some people dance in the rain, and some people cry in the rain and both are tragically beautiful and beautifully tragic. I believe in obvious things and subtle things and I believe I don't know anything about anything but talk like I do out of fear and habit and because, well, you were just so WRONG. I believe anyone who thinks free love is more "natural" than monogamy should give up contraceptives, Wendy's and soap and see how often they get laid then. I believe we grow when we suffer and I believe that anyone inflicting suffering upon others is evil. I believe a benefit of the "real men don't cry" stereotype is how special their lovers feel the first time he breaks down in front of them. I believe it doesn't matter where you were born, how poor you were, what your religion says, what color your flesh is or how good your parents were...you are responsible for your own actions, always. I believe there's a purpose and reason to everything and I believe everything was just arbitrary, indifferent cause and effect and I believe that IT DOES NOT MATTER. I believe everyone should live their life as if they were being held accountable, as if they had free choice because living the other way is nasty, brutish and short. I believe everyone should should stop calling the philosophers dumb until they've changed the world the same way. I believe that imagination is the last thing to endure after faith, hope and love, as it is born out of the second two and makes the first one possible. I believe if I could help just one person, make their lives better, my life will be more complete.

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There will undoubtedly be more at some point. That is what I have for now.