The poetry of Gaelic in terms of Life

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good
-Wicked

Human interaction is complicated. We are naturally social beings, literally speaking, humans NEED each other. Those who try to get away from this, or are forced away are almost always miserable. Loneliness is one of the greatest tragedies in life and the bed mate of Despair.
Most people have moments of loneliness, but truly pervasive constants are either self-inflicted, imposed by others or a mix of both (which is the most common...at first it is brought on by others, but soon it is maintained by the individual out of fear or habit). As such, we should be sensitive to the needs of others when it comes to our friendship and company because you can never be sure how much they need you.

Yet for all this, there is another side that I feel most people don't understand. While I believe souls are forever, humans change. We change physical form, mental state and we develop. Human interaction is as linked and affected by this as our height. The most dramatic and easiest to understand case is that of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that aren't entered into with the immediate 'oh yes, we're totally getting married after X months' understanding (and those are silly anyway). I'm of the opinion (and I have to assume you're interested, as you're reading this), that no one should ever regret 'being' with someone else. Regret what you did, regret how it turned out, regret some decisions, yes, all of those are valid. But unless it was a completely shallow relationship, it changed you, it made you into who you are now and unless you completely hate yourself, you should be glad for the experiences or at least grow from them.

At the same time, I think people have the wrong idea about 'moving on'. I've seen this with numerous friends, as well as from my own experience and I think it's something many people know, at least unconsciously, but don't really allow to affect them.

We are who we are for a short time. In that time, there is someone who fits us at the time. But when we change, sometimes his/her place is disrupted. Or to be more specific:

A young woman gets a boyfriend. They are happy and it is a good learning experience for both. But girl gets older, more mature and finds that she doesn't need guy anymore. Not only does she not need him like she (kind of) use to, but she doesn't have at all the same affection for him. What should she do? She isn't who she was when they got together. She's someone new and therefore needs something new.

This does not mean:
What they had didn't matter. It helped change her into who she is now, and it was/is important to her
He is a bad/unworthy person. Again, she was with him to begin with, she has just moved on to another circle of life
She doesn't care about him. Many times she goes on caring about him for the rest of her life, it just isn't in the same way because he doesn't fit the same place.

This is especially prevalent in 'first' relationships, and those that happen in high school and early college. When people are in the middle of transitioning between child and adult, they are especially needy emotionally. Once they know more about who they are, then tend to not need those connections anymore. So, while this sounds callous, people shouldn't take breakups so personally. It happens, sometimes messily and that's unfortunate but it doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with them, it is just how life works.

This happens with friends as well. I have friends I've known since I was 8. I love them to death, they will always be special to me. But with some of them, our friendship didn't develop past us being 16. They are still friends, but I don't treat or think about them the same way I do with close friends I have now. Sometimes we mature faster than our friends and because they're not on the same level we are in some ways, we don't view them as perfectly equal. That doesn't make them less, it just means that they fit somewhere specific. It is especially difficult when someone you fit somewhere doesn't change with you like you thought they would and in some ways, you leave them behind. They may still fit, but their 'space' isn't in the same location. I'm sorry for being so vague, that probably doesn't make a lot of sense. Think of it as circles, the smallest being the one closest to your hard, the largest encompassing vague acquaintances. Friendship isn't fixed. People move between smaller and larger circles. We'd like them to only get closer, but it doesn't always work that way.

This is something that a lot of people, I think especially guys don't understand. We, humans, can NEVER replace anyone. No one fits exactly the same place exactly the same way. It isn't about finding someone better, it's finding someone that fits someplace else. Yet, they feel the need to compare.

The kind of people we need...and the kind of relationships we need with them...change over time. Look at what you do with your best friend now and what you did when you were 6. Maybe somethings are the same (I don't know about you, but I like laughing), but for the most part, you don't think the same way you did before. It's the same with SigFigs. It's ironic that you actually *need* him/her less to complete you as an individual as you get closer to the age where you're looking towards Forever.

Which brings us to our next point. As we get older, we need people to fill fewer and fewer empty holes in ourselves. We become more whole, partially through the help and intervention of others, but in the end, we only have to live with ourselves. Our actions are solely our own responsibility.

Does that mean there's no constants? I don't think so. I absolutely believe in 'The One'...though I also believe love is a choice and just because you don't feel some magic spark doesn't mean you should just dump who you're with to go look for it.
There are friends we will always have because they fit portions of our very soul and we will never stop needing them. Someday, you may find someone who fits your being in ways no one else ever can or will to such extent that you almost can't live without them. Like you can't be yourself without them. This isn't creepy stalker obsession, it is that kind of love where you are so connected, you don't know where you start and he/she ends.

In Gaelic, there is a phrase...Anam Cara. Directly translated it means "Soul Friend", though it is often used as an engagement ring in Ireland because it can also translate to "Soul Mate". This is an obviously important distinction, but there are strong implications for both. I believe that souls are eternal and that the essence of who we are doesn't change but goes with us for all time. This is why we are so often in conflict with outselves, especially when in despair and loneliness. We want to be something other than we are. Sometimes...and it is asad, but common occurence...we want to be angry, hateful...we think being strong means rejecting the need for anyone else because needing people is a "sign of weakness"...yet we are not naturally angry or hateful and we DO need other people and it isn't weakness...but this dischordance in our soul causes unbearable pain and makes things unspeakably worse. I've seen this in a dozen friends. They may trick themselves into saying they are one way, but you can see it in their eyes, the constant battling between Themselves and Their InnerSelves. I'm sure you have too, it is something we all go through at some point, but often, people get stuck in an endless self-destructive cycle.
I digress. The point is that part of who we are is eternal and therefore, there are connections that are eternal as well.
You shouldn't enter a relationship thinking "this is just fora little, then I'll move on" because that isn't fair to anyone. This is a purely retrospective philosophy. And it doesn't mean there's no such thing as permanence. I believe almost everyone has an Anam Cara, a soul forged with just the right folds and creases to fit a single other person.

But life doesn't always work out where all the right decisions are made and there's never any deviation from plans. So I hope to offer some perspective.

And for the record, I think one person can be both a Soul Friend, as well as a Soul Mate, in fact, I believe that's how it should be. All Soul Friends will be with you, always. But your Soul Mate...you have to be careful with, because not only will he/shealways be with you, but if you lose him/her...he/she takes much of you with him/her that you will never get back.

It is both exhilirating and terrifying to contemplate.

Again, sorry for all the vagueness, and I doubt this will really change anyone's mind on anything, but it was what I was thinking of and felt like sharing.

~Peace, all.