Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And now a word from our sponsors...

Two posts in one day? Craziness!

Actually I consider this a commercial, so it's not *really* a post. Just some quick blurbs.

1) I've been looking for music, and like many searches, I stumbled across other things, without actually achieving my goal. It started when my sister started playing songs by this band, called The Awakening. A little research revealed them to be a South African band that had been around since the mid-nineties, yet there were no...usual methods for acquiring them >.>...And I didn't have enough money to try itunes, which I'm generally against anyway. Pandora didn't know who they were so that was out. Luckily, Facebook saved me. They have an 'ilike' player, that is just like Pandora, but with artists featured on iLike. This meant I was introduced to a host of other bands...none of which exist on Pandora or on...certain sites where I could acquire them. One of the bands I became the very first fan of! Shway.

Anyway, here's hoping they get picked up by more people who feel like hosting them so they become more accessible.
The bands are:
Crimson State
Gates of Winter
ShadowPlay
Ron Dadey

2) This Sesame Street is brought to you by the words...

a) "There is an ancient Greek word, a strange and lovely word rarely used anymore in its earliest sense, which describes the gradual return of a vibrating lyre string to its point of rest and equilibrium after the instrument has ceased to sound. In more modern times, a more sinister meaning has overtaken the original....what is the ancient word with the two-faced meaning? A word connoting aspects of both art and brutality, life and death, beauty and terror, a strange word in its ability to encompass such things simultaneously, a word tragin in the loss of its benign significance in favor of one more searing...this word I gingerly lift and expose from its grave one last time, in the hope that its earlier meaning, that of peaceful resolution of a gently sounding chord, might thereby not be forgotten without at least a wake.
The word is katastrophe."
-"The Ten Thousand", Michael Curtis Ford
Catastrophe, from the Greek word 'katastrophe': To overturn completely, a cataclysm, the final event of a dramatic event, especially a tragedy; a momentous tragic event ranging from extreme misfortune to utter overthrow or ruin.

Seems like there was quite an evolution here to me.

2) As you may have noticed, I changed the submessage of my blog. I did this not because I was wrong, but because I wanted to communicate more effectively. My mother pointed out that what *I* was using the word 'agnostic' for, is different than most people's definitions, and as such, I was confusing them.

So I'm going to explain:
I do not mean Agnostic in the religious sense. Most of you know what my religious bent is, and I feel no need to reinforce that.
The word took on the religious meaning when T.H Huxley was protesting the Gnostic sect of the Church, because like many philosophers, he was skeptical of their methods for determining truth.

Here is my meaning: I completely believe in absolute truths. I do not think that every single thing we can't explain at the moment is unexplainable like Agnostics do. "If we can't explain it through science, it is beyond us." That statement has been proven wrong over and over again.
I DO believe that there ARE things we cannot understand, and I like the term agnostic because it says just because we don't understand doesn't mean the truth ISN'T THERE.
I am EXTREMELY suspicious of people who claim to have all the answers or say that they understand something to the extent that "this is the ONLY way it could be, it couldn't POSSIBLY be explained ANY other way." I knew a lot of people like that growing up, and it makes me mad, because anything can almost always be explained a different way, with a different significance.

To me, being agnostic means that I don't believe I have all the answers, and so I am constantly seeking truth, constantly looking to understand better or more or differently. It doesn't mean I shrug and say 'well that's it, I can't understand'...it means I say 'I will try to understand the best I can but always leave myself open to more learning'.
I think that 90% of the time 'Just one right answer...isn't.'
"Now we see through a glass, darkly..."
If humans understood everything, our heads would explode, we'd go crazy, whatever. I've read Dune, it never ends happy when humans understand too much. We aren't built for it. I'm glad we don't understand all truths or even most truths. It's good for us, reminds us that we need the Power that DOES understand it all.

So don't trip over the 'vaguely agnostic'...it just means I believe I am a pereptual student...as we all should be.

~~Coming Soon:

Dissertation on Despair and its end result.

Life...Somewhere

Life...Somewhere...

At this moment...

Somewhere, an infant sucks in first breath
and lets out a victorious wail
Somewhere else, perhaps nearby, perhaps continents away,
another child lets out her last pained breath.
Somewhere, perhaps in a backyard
with plastic munitions provided by Wal*Mart
Or in the dust with grenades offered by a shadow government,
boys kill...and play at killing each other...for nothing, over nothing.
Somewhere, happily, a newlywed couple experiences their first night of union,
While somewhere else, someone is crying over love, once vibrant
and bright, dissolving into nothingness.

At this moment...

Someone strives on, desperately clinging to an ephemeral strand of adamantium hope
While someone else, soul seared off and buried already in the silent graveyard
of Unheard Tears, voluntarily consigns himself to oblivion.
Someone is trying and will succeed
Someone else is trying and will fail.
Both continue on their chosen path
or find a new route to the Gates of Telos.
One mother grasps her baby tight, thankful
for the gift she's been given, appreciating
the awesome responsibility that comes with it.
Somewhere else, a young woman doesn't even
look back to the screaming child she's left in a slimy dumpster,
Her mind already doing acrobatics, finding the way
to her next fix.
Somewhere, a little boy is proudly displaying his report card to a beaming father, while
in the house across the street, another little boy hides in a tree,
praying to anyone listening that daddy isn't angry with him tonight and
please, please, don't let him hurt mommy and me...
Somewhere, in their own custom, a couple weds, stepping out
on the enterprise of life together,
Yet somewhere in America, someone is contributing to the 53% because
he could not keep his eyes from someone who belonged to someone else.
In a far off land, a soldier is dreaming of home, while a man abuses the rights the soldier
fights for by holding up a 7-11.
Somewhere, someone is looking into a
glass of amber escape, pondering in his or her own weary resignation,
the weakness of mankind, while somewhere in the dark
Someone else is penning the exact same thoughts...one day
to be remembered as one of the premier philosophers of the time.

Somewhere...

Someone dreams
Someone weeps
Someone waits, anxiously
Someone pulls someone else up from the wreckage
Someone craves destruction
Someone...Everyone changes the world in ways No one sees.

This is life and it doesn't stop for anyone
It continues on, perpetuated by chaos and reason, reactions and decisions,
and the unacknowledged Hand.

This is life...and it is so beautifully tragic.

-CiS, 12-28-2008

A few nights ago, I couldn't sleep. My mind just wouldn't stop racing and in my typical fashion, I waxed philosophical. This poem sort of just dribbled onto the page of a tiny notebook my mom gave me at about 3:30 in the morning.

I'm sure some people, especially of the cousin variety, are raising their eyebrows a little, because it isn't a particularly happy sentiment. But this is why I say 'the Infinite contradiction of endless hope'...this is how life is, through the decisions of human beings, this is how our world works. But I choose to hope. Choose to believe the better of people, to believe that in the end, it works out. In the face of all this sadness, all this grief, and hurt and anger and...stupidity...it seems like hope is madness. Well, in that case, give me a toothy grin and call me the Hatter. ^.^
So read into this what you will, feel free to leave comments. I know it's not the greatest, but again, wee hours of the morning don't exactly pump out Blake or Ginsberg (well, probably Ginsberg, but I'm not depressed in the 1950's).

Thanks.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The short guy probably had it right...

EDIT: The captive slaves of the Spartans were called 'Helots' not 'huknos', I was thinking one word and typed another. I fixed it now.

Note: This is probably going to be one of those posts where I know more or less what I want to say, but because the topic is so amorphous, it is hard to really communicate well. There is no thesis statement, I'm not trying to prove anything, I'm not even sure I have a point. This post will probably be very stream of consciousness, so please bear with me.

As interesting as history is as a story, the very philosophy behind it is just as fascinating to me. Like all stories, there's usually room for interpretation, but rarely do the interpretations have such far reaching consequences (except in the case of religious texts). Napoleon Bonaparte is credited with saying, "History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors." There is undoubtedly a grain of truth to this, on both the small and large level. Take Women's history. Now I'm sure a lot of people get aggravated that there are entire classes just focused on Women's history but that's because ours is one of the first generations that has even LOOKED at it. Before, it was assumed they either didn't have one or it would totally match up with Men's. If you were to look at a certain period in history solely from the point of view of men, and then do the same with women, no doubt you would get a different story. It's about what's emphasized, prioritized and outright ignored. Both have truths to them, both have gray areas of belief.

John Stuart Mill, great man though he was, was wrong about history. He said (paraphrased): "These nations[referring to India] have no culture, and therefore, no history. This is true of almost all of the East."
Because their culture did not look like his, he didn't recognize it as civilization. How many times may this have happened, and how many stories may have gotten lost because of it? I think this is a serious flaw in our education system, that we get so focused on American History (which is frequently white-washed past recognition), as if all of history was just setting up for the creation of the United States that we forget there's an entire world outside. And when the rest of the planet is talked about, it is usually in reference to us.

This is another inherent problem with history. For as long as the stories have been passed down, they have usually been used to engender nationalism or pride. It is awfully hard to remain objective when you want to make someone (or large groups of people) believe something about themselves.

But then, no history is wholly objective. The writers are human and therefore have flaws, and the readers are likewise without perfection. I think that's one reason it says in 1 Corinthians 13, "Now we see through a glass darkly, but then, face to face."
There's much we don't understand, it is obscured from us, and I personally am looking forward to seeing it all laid out later (much later, please).

Okay, so far we've shown: History changes depending on who is telling it (who may be focused on some things more than others, and who may simply be ignorant of other aspects), and because there is usually an agenda, it is difficult to say any of it can be taken totally on faith. That doesn't meant we should disregard it or consider it unimportant. It is simply something to be aware of.

Phew, glad we got that all set up. Now to what I actually wish to talk about. ^.^

Like I said, the philosophy is almost as interesting as the actual stories, and like philosophy, history is full of contradictions. Things everyone knows but doesn't always think about. Often, it is just the difference in wording. But words have power, and shape our perceptions and therefore our actions.

Why is it that:

You can be a freedom fighter...or an 'anarchist' rebel?
A crusader...or a terrorist?
A strong, effective leader...or a dictator?
A great general and tactition...or a cruel, inhumane bastard?

What's the difference? Sometimes it is easier to say, but often we are on very shaky ground. Most of the time, the only difference is whose side you're on.

Some context: For Christmas, I received a bunch of books written by the same author, historical fiction about ancient Greece and Rome. Currently I'm reading one about Xenophon, which has been really interesting because it's a period that I'm not really familiar with (though I know about what came before and then what came after). But it got me thinking about how we, in the present, think about people in the past.

A Tale of Two Cities in the Ancient World:

Once upon a time, there were two very powerful city states. They were named Athens and Sparta. Athens was the cultural center of the known world, militarily strong because of her navy (being right near the sea), and a huge trading post. Great minds, philosophical and scientific, flocked to her, and at the time we're looking, she had the first fully functional true democracy, under the leadership of Pericles. Well...true democracy in the sense that all free white men could vote and had a say. However, Athens looked around to its neighbors and literally conquered them through democracy. They became more and more powerful by subjecting other free cities, "for their own good." (Sound familiar anyone?)

Meanwhile, there was Sparta. I personally, consider the brilliance of Sparta in their social system. They had few legal punishments (obviously rape and murder, and stealing was punished, normally because you were stupid enough to get caught), instead they relied on social ostracization. Sparta had once conquered their rival and had taken all the people captive as slaves. 'True Spartans' were called Spartiates, and there were relatively few of these compared to people who just lived in Sparta, and then the helots(or the captive slaves). Now, if you know you're outnumbered by people who would kill you if they could, you would make a military society too. That's why the Spartan war-culture continued so long after they had stopped making war, they had to be always on guard against those within their own borders. And once a year, they got to go crazy and kill as many of the helots as they wanted. Fun people huh?
But back to their social psychology. Spartiate men all lived and ate together in Barracks. It was like The Big Kids table. If you showed cowardice (the highest crime in Spartan Society), you were stripped of your Spartiate status, and could no longer eat or live there. It was a huge disgrace. In this way, the Spartans ruled themselves through internalized values. No one had to be physically punished because they did it themselves. I think that's pretty innovative.

So both cultures had their good and evil, just like any other. Spartans treated their Spartiates very well, regardless of whether they were male or female. Well, women were more respected and got to have a greater say in politics, though they couldn't formally hold office. They were able to participate in Olympics, but this was mostly because healthy women create healthier children so it wasn't really due to any kind of enlightenment. But Sparta was pretty backward when it came to other things. Because they had slaves to do their work, they didn't advance technologically. Their houses were not particularly comfortable (more like mud huts than anything else), and it was once said 'No wonder Spartans are so willing to die on the spear. Better that than to live on their food'. They were strong people in that they adhered ardently to their beliefs, and with the exception of the one country that they more or less accidentally 'won', they had no interest in conquering anyone else.
At the same time, Athens encouraged new levels of higher thinking and we find the beginnings of deductive reasoning, the scientific method and great leaps in science and art. Plus, the formalization of democracy is an important contribution. But the Athenians were pretty full of themselves and felt the need to spread their greatness to others who didn't ask for it.

And so like what so often happens, the true evils of any people comes forth in war. Sparta didn't participate in the first Pelloponnesian War because they didn't like leaving Sparta for fear the slaves would rise up. But the second, which lasted for 27 years, would have tragedies on both sides.

It is during this time that my books starts. Sparta won the Second Pelloponnesian war, and installed a puppet government, known as the Thirty Tyrants. This was a huge leap from true democracy to a strict oligarchy and the Athenians resented it. Spartan philosophy didn't work on such a large scale. It was fine for their city-state, but they couldn't enforce it well on others. For one thing, they liked winning, but they didn't really like conquering.
(Note: This is all based on my personal understanding. I get my information from classes, books and talking with professors because I assume they know what they are talking about. As I've said, history is usually open to interpretation and has often been embellished if not outrightly made up. So I could be wrong on some of these points, especially motivation. Please don't think that I assume everything I say is gospel truth, I am completely open to the idea I could misunderstand these things.)

Man, that was a lot more background than I meant to give. And all from memory too ^.^ Dr.Nuzum (my Prehistory teacher) would be so proud.

So what this has done is made me think about our double standards. Take the movie 300. Obviously, only loosely based on historical fact, and I don't use it as a real reference point, but it DOES speak to our present perception. And a lot of it is right, at least philosophically. Spartans were the best hoplite warriors of the time (hoplites are foot soldiers). And they really did fight off an overwhelming number of Persians to allow for the rest of the army to escape (yeah, covering for someone else running away isn't quite as romantic, but it does show a level of self-sacrifice).
The Queen, Gorgo, was actually a really fascinating figure, someone who greatly interested Herodotus, the father of history. She is the main reason we know about the battle of Thermopylae, as she wrote extensively. Leonidas was a great king, he introduced many reforms and improved the lives of his people (I personally consider that a plus for a ruler). But we have this over-simplified view of the Spartans I think, just as we do of many other peoples and individuals. We, Americans, and probably humans in general, are drawn to people who are the best at physical prowess. Take team names. My school mascot is a Viking. Vikings were smelly, gross and often terrible human beings. Yet, we glorify them. Look at most teams. Heck, the Forks High School team is called the Spartans. No one wants to be called the Athenians because they were known for their mental abilities and despite our great enlightment (/sarcasm) we don't value that nearly as much as the ability to swing an ax into someone's face. It's just as we like winners, no matter how they achieve that rank.

Something I've always wrestled with is how we judge individuals, and if we even have the right. I've talked to a lot of people about it, especially my dad and Dr.Nuzum (who is a historiographer and so usually understands where I'm coming from).
What do we judge? The action, the consequences, the motivation? If they were a total douchebag, but did good things for their country, are they excused? What if they did good things for their country but at the expense of another country? I suppose that's the philosophy of Political Science.

Take three of my favorite subjects: Richard, Coeur de Leon, Alksandr of Macedon (also known as Alexander the Great) and Napoleon Bonaparte.
Richard was one of the ten greatest generals of all time (as far as I know). He inspired much in his men, and his people loved hearing of his victories.
But he also bankrupted his country to fund the Crusades, and obviously his victories came through killing people closer to their own country than he was to his. I highly doubt he really cared about liberating the Holy City. He loved making war, he was good at it, and any excuse would have worked. He was known for raping women and then passing them around to his men for their depravations. In his defense, that was expected of him, though it hardly excuses him morally.

So which column do we put him in? Should we even try? Perhaps we don't have the right, as we weren't there. But then, we have to live in a world shaped by these actions, which gives us some leeway. If Sparta and Athens hadn't more or less destroyed each other, Phillip of Macedon would have had a much more difficult time defeating them and Alexander the Great would likely never have risen and the world would certainly be different.
Alexander unified formerly disparate nations and paved the way for the Roman Empire who for all of its evil, did much for the world, including setting the stage for the birth of Christ. If Alexander had lived past 33, who knows what he could have accomplished, for good or ill? But in his time, he perfected his father's improvements in hoplite warfare and reshaped the map. People became aware of the world around them better. When Rome came, they also built on this, creating the Latin Rule, which made them come to new nation-states as colonizers, not conquerors and is one of the main reasons they were as powerful as they were for as long as they were (an empire that literally lasts 1000 years is not to be sneered at).

More directly than either of these perhaps is Napoleon. Much that is in the world today can be traced to him, including the rise of Nationalism (and come of its consequences, such as Abolitionism and Feminism). The Napoleonic Wars greatly altered Europe and many of the colonies (such as Haiti). Napoleon was definitely egotistical, but he was also a great general and understood psychology to the extent that he perfected nationalism to help keep the French people in line and to this day they have few figures they love as much as him.

I know I'm talking in circles, but that's how I think about these things, there is always a thought and then a counterthought.

Were these great men? Were they good as human beings or are those in authority answerable to a different set of rules? Jimmy Carter was probably one of our most moral presidents but he failed as a ruler pretty hard. Herbert Hoover was one of the most hated, but he didn't really do things wrong, he just didn't do much of anything. Johnson WANTED to do a lot of great things, he had a lot of good intentions, but he's mostly remembered for getting us stuck in Vietnam.

Or look at it another way:
During World War I, we saw the formalized conceptualizing of Total War. One of the components of Total War is the Homefront. Every individual is involved, man, woman, child, with the war machine. And therefore, there are no civilians. It because acceptable to bomb cities, towns...If you destroy their suppliers, if you demoralize their soldiers...you win. The Blitzkrieg, Nagasaki...Terrible atrocities done in the name of victory.

But if it WORKS...it's considered good strategy. The Assyrians ruled through fear because they did terrible things to those who rebelled against them, including babies on spikes. But it worked right? Does that justify it? That's a dramatic example but we can see it other places. It's war right? The rules change. But when the OTHER side does it...it's barbaric, it's evil, and that's why we have to stop them. The double standard continues.

If we do it, we're Liberators. If They do it, they're terrorists. How dare Russia invade democratic Georgia? Oh, we invaded democratic Iraq? Well...that's hardly the same thing.

I'm not ragging on the US, but pointing out a problem with humanity in general. As a species, we tend to suck hardcore when it comes to fighting with each other.

There was a line, at some point, someone must have said 'We should never go past this point. This is the worst we should do, because after this, it becomes morally unnacceptable'.

I think that point was passed a long time ago. Now we can destroy the world 80 times over with nuclear weapons, and even better we have MACHINES to do it. The only benefit is that war is no so horrid, we are discouraged from doing it because of how awful the cost would be. But there's always a button pusher, always someone who considers the ends justifying the means, and our children will have to live with the consequences of those decisions.
Because someone decided that killing each other more efficiently was a good idea. And then someone else, and then someone else...and no one stopped them. And they thought they were doing the right thing.

So how do we judge THEM? If their intentions were, if not pure, at least in the best interest of those they considered important, could we say they were evil? Or just misguided? Einstein said one of his greatest regrets was helping with the Atom bomb. But he had been told that the Germans already had one and the only way to preserve peace was for America to have one too. He was lied to, plain and simple. Does that excuse him?

A lot of good things have happened in our world. So have a lot of evil things. And so many many things we don't know about anymore.

So what's the point? I told you, way at the beginning that I didn't have one. Remember that far back? ;)

We are all actors in history. What we do changes the world, whether we see it not. So take care and consider your decisions because someone else will likely have to live with the consequences.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A glance back into the dark forest of memory...

2008. Nearing an end, eh? As with all years, feelings are mixed, topped by a jaded 'Meh, whatev' attitude born of having seen a few years now ;) (oh don't I sound all old and wise /eyeroll).

So here's a bit of a review of my life over this year (what I'm doing instead of writing a Christmas letter too).

Favorite album: The Scarecrow-Avantasia (came out in 2007, but it was the most played album of mine this year)
Favorite song: Vampire Heart-HIM
You can't escape the wrath of my heart
Beating to your funeral song (You're so alone)
All faith is lost for hell regained
And love dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)

Let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed
And lead you along this path in the dark
Where I belong 'till I feel your warmth

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

I'll be the thorns on every rose
You've been sent by hope (You'll grow cold)
I am the nightmare waking you up
From the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)

Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates close
Paint you my soul, scarred and alone
Waiting for your kiss to take me back home

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

(Don't freak out, it's just a cool song)

Favorite discovered artists: Ayreon, Within Temptation (hadn't listened that much before), Disturbed
Favorite new game: Eternal Sonata (RPG, PS3)
Favorite Movie seen in theatres: I know everyone expects Dark Knight, and it was cool, but it didn't do as much for me in theatre as I thought it would. I think I enjoyed Iron Man more.
Favorite anime: Still Bleach. Favorite anime finished this year? <.<....Um...I liked Claymore, I'm currently enjoying Blood+.
Favorite re-found show: X-Files (watched like five seasons in Taiwan, I'm not even kidding)
Favorite book series: The Sandman series, Neil Gaiman
Favorite "real" (pfft) book series: Heroes in Hell

~~~~

School:
For those who have been spared my ranting...I was 'let go' of by the Woodring College of Education at Western. Kicked out, as it were. Failed...the whole year, essentially. My first year at the university and...it felt like a lifetime. The stress caused by the last quarter shot white streaks through my hair. I wish I was exxagerating.

SO...that required a new plan. The old plan was as follows:
Get a Sped/Eled degree (dual endorsement)
Teach for a few years
Go back to school adn get a History endorsement for Middle/high school.

Well...that isn't going to happen now.

New Plan:
Get History teaching endorsement
If I'm not totally broke and in debt and dying: Get SPED endorsement
NEVER TEACH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Teach Middle/High School
Live for several years in debt

It's not ideal but I'm not giving up. If that doesn't work, I can always go to Asia and teach English as a second language.
So last quarter (fall, 2008) I did pretty decent, so one more really good quarter should get my GPA salvaged from the grossness of last year. I'm really enjoying studying History, my teachers like me, I write solid papers and I love what I'm learning. It's probably frustrating for those around me to listen to me always blabbing to them what new story I've learned but /shrug It's exciting to me.

WORK:
Like last year, I work at one of the dining halls at school. I applied to be a Student Manager and should have gotten the job but the shift they needed covered would have interfered with me being in class. So I couldn't take it and it was given to someone less qualified. I don't really mind because since we lost our Unit Manager (think the Manager's Manager), the SM's have been screwed by the brass. They are disrespected, overworked and practically emotionally abused. That's mess I don't need, and besides, half of everyone defers to me now anyway, so I'm like a manager without the uniform. I actually end up training the managers on how to run Pizzarette because it's almost officially my domain.
I love my job, I love most people I work with and I love talking to the customers. The head manager seems to really like me, which worked in my favor because I'm getting a raise next quarter. They're hiring another student manager from outside our work, and I'm not going to pursue it, because I feel it was unfair of them to offer if they couldn't deliver.
So next quarter, I'll work two late night Pizza shifts. I love pizza because 1) I don't serve people food so I don't have to ration, 2) I'm good at it, 3) I get to listen to whatever music I want. Late night goes from 9-1 (or whenever we get out), which will only suck for the thursday night one (where I make cheesybread) because I have to get up early friday morning. I also work Pizza friday night dinner, because they need good people working dinners. And finally, I work a grill shift early saturday. I do that because they need the help and I need the money.

FAMILY:
As you can imagine, with as busy as I am with work and school, I don't do a lot with my family. It was wonderful seeing them for my 21st birthday and everytime I've visited them, but I don't get to be there often, which is pretty tough.

FRIENDS:
My friends are wonderful and I'd be lost without them. I'm going to mix this section with the 'event' section because so much of what I did involved them:
I spent a large portion of the year with the Andrews, Lee and Patry. Andrew Lee is my friend at school, he helped me through a lot of stuff there, even though he had all the same difficulties with the education department I did. I spent more time at his house in the last quarter than I did mine. We watched a lot of movies (Power Rangers, ftw), made fun of our friend Mike a lot. Made fun of a lot of stuff actually. There were times where our only therapy was ranting at each other and just generally being full of hate, getting over it and gaming. Obviously, other Andrew is my boyfriend who I didn't get to see enough of, but now we live in the same house so I suppose that makes up for it.
Jen, Andrew Ridd, Chandler, Geoff, Jeff, Dylan, Leah, Mike, Kelly, and all my other good friends were also really important to me and I'm glad we all kept in such good touch no matter how far I got.

EVENTS!
Games~ Played a lot of Rock Band and Guitar hero. I don't care if you think I should play the real instrument, that opportunity was never given to me. This is as close as I'm ever going to get. So get over your musical eliticism, because I don't care.
I rock at the drums. I still play on medium most of the time because that's the most enjoyable setting but I hold my own in Hard. Motorhead kills me though. It just is really tiring.
I love the character creation, you'd know my character (named November) as soon as you saw her. The blue hair and corset would probably help.
So we do that a lot, I can also play the guitar, but I enjoy being a drummer the most. I think it's an attitude thing.
The game that saved me last year was Shin Megami Tense: Digital Devil Saga 1 and 2. Thank you, Mr.Lee for letting me borrow it because it helped a lot. I'm looking forward to playing Persona 3 and 4 when I have time. Atlus has pretty much taken over my RPG experience, except for Eternal Sonata.
Oh yeah, I got a PS3! It's amazing, angels sing when I turn it on, etc. We also got a big tv, so I <3 movie parties in my rec room.
On another note, I still play WoW. I finally hit 70 with my main, took freaking forever. But that's cause I have WoWADD, and have like fourteen characters. Whenever a friend starts playing, I make a new char to play with them. All of my characters are female, most are Blood Elves, though I have a few Undead and two trolls. Even a tauren. Screw orcs. I also have a Death Knight, who is my first inherently evil character. I'm not even kidding, she is such a bitch. Oh, in case that didn't quite make sense, I make up stories for all of my characters, despite the fact that most of them are on a PVP server where it doesn't matter. I've now played every class but Druid and Shaman. I like Mages a lot, but I also love hitting things.

TAIWAN:
So I actually left the country this year. It was a really significant experience for me, and one I needed. I grew up as a person, realized some things about myself and got some perspective on life. Mostly that crap happens, and the only way to grow is to get over it, learn from it and move on. It's not the end of the flippin' world and life doesn't wait for you to sort your crap out.
Anyway, I did a lot of stuff in Taiwan, I taught, I prepared, I worked, I learned, I laughed, I SANG, I did tribal dances...it was stuffed.

The Concert~
So my friend Geoff, bless his heart, got us tickets to see Amanda Palmer in concert at the Showbox in Seattle. She's half of the Dresden Dolls for those who don't know. The name of her 'genre' is 'Punk Cabaret', it's very theatrical, and I find it enjoyable. The whole experience was just shot full of awesome and it was definitely a highlight of the year.

HOUSE~
This was the first year I lived away from home. At first I lived in dorms at school. But...that was not a fun scene, so I went another direction.
As you may or may not know I live with 5 other people. Well, four now. We lost one, and that's been fun trying to deal with. But I love my housemates, we haven't had many serious problems. A couple of conversations about personal preferences and whatnot, but nothing ugly. So, as long as rent isn't too sucky, my home situation is pretty nifty. I have a nice rec room, a desk, a bureau, all the necessities.
It really helps living with Andrew, and storing most of my stuff in his room (which is wayyy bigger than mine), and he's a huge support. Plus he buys me food.

B-Day:
Being 21 isn't much different than being 20 other than being able to actually walk into liquor stores and laugh at people (I don't really laugh on the outside). And feel less guilty if someone offers me something. Don't get me wrong, I'm not getting slagged anytime soon, but the fear is definitely gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~

So what's my life?
I study hard, I work hard. I play video games and WoW. I watch comic book and action movies, read webcomics and graphic novels, love anime and would be lost without my friends and family.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Note on Music (nyuknyuk)

In my lifetime, I think I've met maybe one person who I can say doesn't like music, and it isn't really that they don't like music, it's just that music doesn't interest him that much, he doesn't care about it.
Everyone else will tell you that they like listening to music, and usually, they have strong feelings about things like genres, artists, songs and styles.

I'm not any different, except for the part about strong feelings, of which I don't have many about anything. I've talked about music with lots of different people and have come to realize that not everyone feels the same way about the same things. Sure, most people will agree that music touches us in ways few things do. I dare say that a haunting song will tear at your soul more than a tragic picture (though some people are more visual, so perhaps it's individual). But when listening to music, our focus can change our perception and opinions.

For example: I am musically handicapped. I can't do jack, I can't read music, I can't sing, at best, I can hold a rhythm, which makes me great at Guitar Hero, and not good for much else. Does this affect how I hear music? Well, my lack of knowledge on the mechanics of music certainly does. If I'm listening to a song, I can't tell you what type of instrument is playing specifically or how they are harmonizing, but I wouldn't be listening for that anyway.

I listen to music for the entertainment and for the emotional experience. I like songs based on how they make me feel. This has it's ups and downs. For example, putting my ipod on shuffle is really aggravating because while I like all the songs on there, I'm not interested in them all the time. Certain times call for certain types of songs, which is why when I make playlists, they are based on an emotion or mindset (sleepy, hyper, pumped, etc) instead of a genre.

Also, I can listen to really crap music. Well, let me rephrase: some artists/bands that I like are not what you'd consider high caliber musicians. I am aware and okay with this and most people don't get on my case for it because I recognize the lack of musical awesomeness. But I like listening because it does something for me, USUALLY because I'm listening to the words. Obviously, words are my life, I think in words (believe it or not, not everyone does) and they are always my focus.
Other people couldn't repeat the lyrics of their favorite songs because they are focused on the music. To them, the voice is just another instrument. In some ways, I think this is really cool because usually I trust these peoples opinions of what makes a musician 'good', since they tend to be more critical. Other people are all about the mechanics, the how of the song, breaking it down into pieces and then putting it back together again in their mind. Again, I think this is awesome. I don't feel bad for not thinking like they do, I think it takes all sorts and the music industry depends on people having different tastes (or no taste as this years AMA's showed me)
Now to me, I don't like saying 'good' or 'bad' because really, it all depends on what you're going for and things like this are highly subjective.
Music is also highly tied to memory, which can ruin songs for you (I still can't listen to 'You Could be Happy' by Snow Patrol) or turn mundane songs into heartfelt sagas. So a lot of my favorites are based on association, which doesn't affect other people as much sometimes.

So here is a list of a few of my favorites and why. Maybe it won't interest you, but then again, maybe you'll gain a little perspective, and most importantly think about why YOU like what you like.

Favorite vocalists (this is mostly focused on the voice, though I admit, the music is always important, these are people who stick out to me for their vocal talent):

Tobias Sammet (Edguy, Avantasia): Power Rock (or as I prefer to call it, Epic Rock) is something I've only recently discovered, but it's easily one of my favorite genres. I admit, almost all P.Rock vocalists sound basically the same, mostly because they are emulating the two rock deities Ronnie James Dio and Bruce Dickinson (who should come up in the list later but just take my word for it, he was amazing), and Tobias isn't that much different, but he's still my favorite. More on my love for Avantasia later.

Jonothan Davis (KoRn): For some reason, KoRn is considered to be in the same genre as Linken Park. This makes no sense to me, because I'm pretty sure one could EAT the other. Regardless of your feelings on this band (who admittadly swear a lot and do more than a few covers of things that don't need to be covered), Jon Davis is an awesome vocalist. He plays to his strenghts; this doesn't mean he always sounds the same or never explores new areas, but he usually sounds pretty solid and when you have as distinctive a voice as his, it makes a great instrument.

Tim McIlrath (Rise Against): With the exception of Epic Rock, I really like distinctive voices and Tim McIlrath definitely has one, even if 'distinctive' means sounding like you chain smoke for about two hours before recording. As you probably have, or will notice, most of my favorites are dudes. It's true, I like guy voices more than girls usually. Rise Against will also come up later in the list, so stay tuned.

James Hetfield (Metallica): Dude. Metallica. Come on, you knew he was going to be here. The band that spawned a thousand copies and easily the second most influential band after the Beatles, Metallica has tons of strengths (my inner drummer worships Lars), but for me, the first thing that drew me in was James' singing. The instant you hear a word, you know who it is. And that is sheer greatness.

Geoff Tate (Queensryche): Keeping with the classics and with the distinctiveness, I can't leave out Geoff Tate, since he has one of the most unique voices I've ever heard, and I love the 'ryche, not just because to me they represent some of the greatest sounds of the '80s but becasue I have a ton of good memories tied up with them.

David Draiman (Disturbed): It isn't really fair for me to put this up here because I haven't heard THAT much Disturbed and this is another recent discovery. I put it here because I think that if you can sing a beautiful melody and then yell at the end and have it make TOTAL sense, you rock.

Ville Valo (HIM): This is the part where I look down and kind of blush because HIM is not what you would call great music. They don't suck, it's just that they are very repetitive in their themes (probably because I don't think they really speak English), and they're kind of trite and not super original musically speaking, but I love the vocalist for having a voice that just sounds 'deep' to me.

Davy Havok (AFI): When it comes to pretty guys, Davy pretty much wins at life.

Stephen Christian (Anberlin): Anberlin is gunna come up later too, so not going into too much detail here, but I think he has a really smooth voice and I'm usually pretty good at matching it so that will earn you lots of points.

OKAY GIRLS.

Sharon Del Adel (Within Temptation): Sharon is beautiful in and out and her voice is pure gorgeous. She has a huge range and always holds her own, regardless of style. She sounds great in duets and has performed on a lot of other artists albums (she was in the first two Avantasia, one by Ayreon, the list goes on) but always outdoes whoever she's singing with. I hope angels sing as well as she does, cause otherwise heaven won't be as nice.

Linda Eder: Mezzo-soprano, which basically means you have a beautiful voice with enough power to fuel shoot a rocket into space. If I could sound like anyone, it would be her.

Tarja Turunen (Nightwish): Okay, so she was kind of a bitch. But no one would deny that Tarja had an amazing voice, and I would argue, sang 'Phantom of the Opera' way better than Sarah Brightman did. But maybe that's cause I don't like Sarah Brightman.

Amanda Palmer (formerly of the Dresden Dolls): To me, Amanda Palmer is the queen of Avante Garde music. Not polished, not packaged, just raw emotion and a piano. 'Runs in the Family' is a brilliantly written song, and while I miss the synergy that the Dresden Dolls had, Amanda stands fine on her own.

Kicking it old school: Annie Lennox, Bonnie Tyler, Tina Turner...the greats.

Favorite Bands:

My Chemical Romance: I know they're Hot Topic popular. I don't care. I have a theory that if you make three solidly good albums, that makes you a good, if not great band. I love that all the albums have a purpose. The first two were part of a story (called 'concept albums') about a Bonnie and Clyde type team and the third one (arguably their best work), 'Black Parade' was about cancer and all aspects of living (or dying) with it. The vocalist, Gerard Way did all the artistic design and I really appreciate when bands have so much creative control (my inner rebellion against bands like N'sync and the other boy bands), especially when they write their own lyrics.

Coheed and Cambria: Speaking of concept albums, few do it like C&C. All albums (of which there have been a few) revolve around a single sci-fi story that's a mix of the Matrix and Star Wars. How awesome is that? Now a lot of people don't like Claudio Sanchez' voice, and I can understand that, it's different and not as palatable as others, but this is one of the few bands where I can just put them on and listen to every song they've ever done and be fine with it because there isn't a single one I don't like. Again, great writing, different types of sounds, intriguing story, these are the types of things that keep me interested.

Breaking Benjamin: One of the last glimmers of hope I have in modern music. BB can play on the radio without me hating them, because they are solid performers and, again, they don't have many songs I don't like.

Anberlin: "Cities" may have been one of the greatest albums I've ever heard. Listening to this band just makes me happy, no matter how bad I felt before. Also, one of my only favorite bands who are 'Christian', followed by...

Demon Hunter: I don't like screaming music, I don't like really angry music unless I'm feeling angry and then I shouldn't be listening to it because it will just make it worse. But like Disturbed, I like Demon Hunter because it's melodic yet hard. 'My Heartstrings Come Undone' is one of those 'can listen to anytime' songs, while I fall asleep to 'Deteriorate' and headbang to 'Undying'.

Again, these are all run by dudes. Go figure. With the exception of goth rock (Within Temptation, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish, Evanescence), there aren't many female styles that appeal to me.

Oh man, my mind just died so I can't remember what else I was going to talk about. Besides, there's a ton here, and I don't want to overwhelm you. So...feel free to comment, add your own to the list, completely trash me and my bad taste, whatevs. Please. I don't like the lack of comments. It makes me sad.

~C

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Nature of Human Nature

I was recently asked by a fine young gentleman why I don't believe in 'human nature'. I wasn't surprised that this was a confusing assertion on my part, as the notion is a common one that many people share, even if they differ on what the term means.
Hence, I feel the need to explain myself. There are many things that I draw on, not all of which I can prove. Anyone is free to disagree with me, any of my premises and even the conclusion I draw from them, because I will be the first to say I could be completely off and I don't want anyone to think that I am totally confident in my rightness. Okay, disclaimer done.

If you went up to people on the street and said 'What is human nature?' or even 'What is human nature to do?', you would probably receive a variety of responses including some trite but witty catchphrases. When it comes to morality, this would be even stickier. Is it human nature to be good or to be selfish? Most people probably don't think about it. 'Look out for number one', yet at the same time 'People are inherently good' (we could argue what the definition of 'good' is, but that would be a whole separate argument).

This sets up my first problem.

1) There is no universal agreement on what is really 'human nature'. There are plenty of texts that you could draw on, such as the Bible, there are plenty of philosophers you could listen to and certainly one of them is probably right, but for the layman, it is still nearly impossible to say 'Human nature is to do X'. So anyone who justifies or claims 'human nature' as a premise has an already shaky argument because it is difficult to back up.

2) The misuse of an empty phrase.
My second issue is the Twinkie Defense. 'It's just human nature' is the modern day equivalent of 'The Devil made me do it'. It is an excuse for people to not have to take responsibility for their own actions based on genetics or some kind of innate characteristic that they have no control over. People may be predisposed to do certain things or be certain ways that would affect their behavior, I don't discount this. But many people who have the same maladies refuse to let it account for their actions and still exert self-control. Furthermore, those issues (say, a chemical imbalance) is a physical condition that is provable and quantifiable. 'Human nature' is an abstract idea based on a subjective perspective. It would never hold up in a court room, yet the phrase is bandied about every day.

Where this comes from:

One of the benefits of having three different teachers is you get three different approaches to history. One of my classes were asked 'Is it human nature to strive for freedom?', which is where I stated I did not believe in human nature as a response. And even if I did, the answer would be no.
This is where we get into the sticky 'could argue historical truth' part. My conclusions are based on the idea that I have an understanding of historical events and perspectives and as I was not there, I can't say this with 100% accuracy. You may view these same facts differently and with good reason. So bear in mind that I'm just going from what I know.
Here is an example: "Is it human nature to love your country and want what's best for it?' ie, 'Nationalism'. Well, this would be a problem considering that 'nations' as we understand them today didn't even exist until relatively recently. For example, during the Peloponnesian Wars, there was no firm idea of what it was to be 'Greek'. None of those individuals would have referred to themselves as 'Greeks'. It can be argued that there was some pride in being 'Roman' but even then, that had more to do with holding on to an individual.

Okay, back to the topic at hand.
Have people always strove for freedom?

This is a tough question. Another of my teachers would argue no, BECAUSE the idea of 'bettering yourself', being in a position other than where you are doesn't seem to have been put into practice until a little while ago, historically speaking. No one strove for freedom because it didn't occur to them (and those whom it might have were probably silenced out right). These people were told they were lesst han those in control over them and there was nothing they could do about it because it was their NATURE. See, there's that word again. Some innate characteristic of theirs made them inferior to these other people. This is the very premise of racism, that this natural trait is passed on to the next generation, without any real proof.
So those who were subjugated believed it was simply how things were, and that was that.
This didn't really change until we got this nationalism (and republicanism) thing going, because both are built on the notion of 'liberty, fraternity' (brotherhood) and equality', and it's really hard to back that up when you're not including everyone in the nation-state into the fold.

I hope this clears up the questions a bit, if not, feel free to post any questions and I'd be happy to clarify. This is still something I'm trying to solidify in my own mind, so questions are good because it helps me think about it in a new way.

Alright, fellow philosophers, have at thee.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For those of you just tuning in...

I love to write. And I don't suck at it, in that "can-form-coherent-sentences-utilizing-more-or-less-proper-grammar' sort of way. But I have never blogged before, for a variety of reasons, the foremost being that blogs are by necessity pretentious, as all blogging is done with the assumption that anyone gives a flying frak what you think. As I don't think that 99% of the time, I never saw the point. This is salted with the fact that I don't care what most other people think, and the entire blogging community is based on a system of reciprocal attention, ie, "I'll read your stuff if you read mine." Considering that I think almost all (again with the 99%) of blogs fall into two categories: Self-absorbed rants against things the individual obviously doesn't care enough about to change and...randomness.

But recently, a few of my favorite people have taken up the web-pen, and I feel the urge to add my voice to their symphony of musings. I will not apologize for posting too much, posting too little or for being incredibly hypocritical and posting the exact sort of thing that I detest in the stereotype that is blogging.

Moving on...

Why I consider myself a historiographer-
Historiography refers to the Philosophy of History, that is, how we do it, how we think about it. Meta-history, if you will. It is seeing history not just as a series of occurences or recording of events but asking the bigger question, 'Why?'. Why did they report it this way, what were the circumstances, why is this considered important, how has that changed, etc. I always thought everyone thought this way, but apparently it is a not a common trait. I love the concept because Philosophy and History are two of my greatest loves (up there with jewelry, leather, motorcycles, books and Final Fantasy). Essentially, it means that I consider myself a philosopher with an emphasis on thinking about the past, bolstered by a strong interest in Epistomology (the branch of philosophy concerned with the nature of Knowledge and Truth; What do we know and how do we know it and how do we KNOW we know it?).
Again, this is extremely pretentious this is my little corner of the Inter-Webs, so I suppose I'm allowed.

Now on to the topics at hand.

As many of you reading this know, my dream is to become a teacher. I've been progressing towards this goal since about second grade. My preferred specialty is Special Education, though recently, History has vied for top position. At the moment, the plan is to be certified as a Secondary (that's Middle to High School for the uninitiated) History teacher with a Special Education Endorsement.
This will probably take a few years, which kind of sucks considering my lack of funds and our shaky economy. But that isn't actually the most discouraging thing I faced the first year of my University Experience.

THAT came in the form of the 2001 Reauthorization of Public Law 107-110...also known as the No Child Left Behind Act. The intent was good: Get more children literate and passing high school, get rid of bad teaching practices, encourage schools to set higher standards. No one would argue with these ideals, especially in a rapidly changing world where having the brightest young people really decides your future. It would have been a good investment if it hadn't failed so very very miserably.

Here are the problems:
It was poorly funded. The government only gave half the money it promised, leaving the burden of cost on the already underfunded education system. This meant that they were expecting schools to make Grade A lesson plans with Grade D equipment. It may be hard to realize, but not having a computer in your school is a huge disadvantage.
This is especially a problem here in Washington where our education funds come from income taxes. This means that cities like Bellevue have fantastic, modern schools complete with technology and sports equipment, while West Seattle High School is falling apart...literally. It is a self-perpetuating class distinction...poor kids have to go to poor schools where they will not be as well educated and therefore continue to be poor. This is the sort of misdistribution of resources that make young revolutionaries embrace socialism...or at least reject capitalism.

NCLB (also called Nickelbee) puts the responsibility onto the teachers and the students, while offering little help to either.

Every (or at least most) educational psychologist will tell you that High Stakes Testing (like the kind we have with the WASL) is a BAD IDEA. It creates undue stress on the student, frequently making them perform lower than they would normally, and it does not properly reflect their growth as a student or individual. Standardized tests are also...well, standardized. This means that if you have a learning, mental or physical disability, there are few options to accomodate your needs...leaving you Behind. Go figure.

A POSITIVE effect of NCLB is that teachers were no longer able to 'teach however they felt like it'...folk-practices and 'traditional methods' were not just allowed (like locking students in closets...disgusting but also common in some places). All routines, less plans, and practices had to be backed up by researched and approved methods, making sure that students were getting the best education. Teachers also had to be constantly updating their curriculum so that the latest information could help them serve the students better. It put the emphasis back on the student and serving his/her needs, as opposed to having the emphasis on the teacher.
Some red tape to push through for someone like me is the need for Specialization. This is a good idea that unfortunately has some practical problems. Specialization refers to the need for teachers to be Highly Qualified in whatever area they are teaching. On paper, that's awesome, it means that we have specialists teaching areas they are the most the knoweldgeable in. But if you're a poor school in Ohio with only a handful of teachers, you can't afford to have one for each subject, your English Teacher is also your PE teacher, your Math Teacher is your Chem teacher, and so on. But the government says you are required to hire more, yet doesn't provide the funds to pay them.

Another problem is the responsibility and punishment scheme, which is another self-defeating cycle. If a school district fails to meet the requirments, they get one or two years to pull up their grade. If this fails, they have to redo their entire curriculum, often firing their entire staff and getting new people. If this fails, they have to offer to pay to send the students to specialists (such as the Sylvan Learning Center) or to a school with a higher grade. If this fails, the government comes in, throws everyone out and essentially 'occupies' the school.

Now, again, the problem comes from poor funding. The school doesn't make the grade because they don't have money for decent text books or computers or chalk. So the government tells them they have to spend MORE money to get new curriculum. They already can't afford that, so now they are even farther behind, which means the students do even worse. Then they have to pay to send students to other places (and sometimes there are no better schools, leaving the parents with no options). 'Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny' is not a bad allegory here. There's really no way for the school to pull up so they try to find ways around it. One school expelled half their students the day before they took the state test. Teachers have rigged the tests, altered scores, 'lost' a few students. Schools are now actually encouraged to LOWER standards instead of raise them. Why? Because the schools can't afford to not pass. This is perhaps the greatest failing on the part of NCLB to take care of the students.

Teachers have to spend hours doing paperwork, documenting everything they ever do ever, adding to their already stress-filled, busy lives. This can adversely affect their class, though to their credit, most teachers make the best of it and do an incredible job. Still, it gives them less time to spend with the students, to write better lesson plans, to think of innovative ways to reach students.

NCLB also represents an unprecedented amount of federal involvement in what should be a private, state-run responsibility. The federal government isn't suppose to meddle with education, it says so in the Constitution. NCLB is just another form of control, meant for the best most likely, but a dangerously slippery slope.

Now, next year, we will have a new administration. And as always, education was one of the issues the candidates debated on. As most of you know, I didn't vote for a variety of reasons, number one being I refuse to vote for the lesser of two evils (Vote Cthulu), however in the realm of education, I firmly believe that Obama IS the lesser of evil here. McCain wanted to keep NCLB and just 'take it back to basics', rework it. I'm fairly certain that by this point, it's clear that there is no 'reworking', it simply DOESN'T WORK. A totally new system of accountability has to be put into place, one that either doesn't have federal involvement (or at least limits it) or one that puts MORE responsibility on the government to pay for it. I, for one, hope that it is worked out before I get my certification because otherwise I may have to relearn everything.

Here's hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

So there's my intro and first set of musings. Feel free to let me know what you think.