Today

This is going to sound silly.

I found myself wondering what the appropriate memorial greeting was. After all, 'Happy September 11th' sounds like a twisted joke. What are we supposed to do? How are we suppose to commune with others, let them know we share their suffering, to come closer as a community?

The difference is not so obvious. After all, we say 'Happy Memorial Day' and 'Happy Veterans Day' and they involve remembering tragedies. And really, when you think about it, virtually all holidays, whatever your religious or cultural preference or reality probably involves death somewhere. Because that's what holidays are for. It's a national grieving period, and thusly, like all proper wakes, a celebration of life, renewal, improvement. Two sides of the same confetti coin.

But I don't think anyone will say 'Happy September 11th' today.

Maybe someday, years from now, when all those who will remember it are gone and card companies need a boost and the government needs a distraction from yet another PR disaster...they will institute a national day of recognition. They'll have to come up with a catchy name for it. Maybe then, they will say 'Happy...'.

But not today.

Part of that, I think, is because of the two sides idea. All of our holidays revolve around both death, and live. Even Christmas. The birth of the Savior is made all the more meaningful with the knowledge of His eventual sacrifice. The opposite side is Easter. The Crucifixion gives more awe and significance to the Resurrection. Thanksgiving, well...that's obvious. So is Columbus day.

Death and renewal. Mourning and celebrating. Maybe they're societally necessary. But this duality is why we will not say 'Happy September 11th,' why instead, there will be people all over the country who are quieter than usual. Even in this early gray hours, I imagine the air itself will seem heavier, faces will be grimmer. Everyone will have thoughts unspoken. And we won't share them. Despite it being a very national experience, our grief will be our own, our personal feelings.

Certainly there will be...loud individuals, those who have decided that THEY get to determine what today should mean. Maybe they'll burn another people's holy book, maybe they'll have a parade or protest and maybe they'll just talk about it on TV while everyone nods as if something profound is happening.

But it won't be the same. And I will tell you why.

Even after nine years, we STILL don't know how to DEAL with this yet. We haven't moved on. Holidays, HOLY DAYS...death and renewal. Loss and rejuvenation. It's that second part that trips us up. The suffering is still fresh in our collective consciousness because to this day, it seems. So. POINTLESS.

We haven't gained anything from it, even our brief rally-round-the-flag feeling was exploited to unfortunate ends that have done little to improve our lives or the lives of others (though certainly, some good has been wrought). We haven't been renewed yet, we have nothing to celebrate. Hell, we're bickering over a community's desire to exercise their Constitutional right, demonstrating how confused and scared and hurt we still are. There's been little healing that I can see.

We remember Veterans on Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, D-Day, V-Day...in order to thank them for helping us WIN. Their sacrifice would seem in vain if they'd done otherwise. Without victory, we couldn't even HAVE such celebrations.

So far, I've seen no such victory to give meaning and sense to the countless who died...less than five hours from now, nine years ago. And all the hurt that came of it. I don't wish to demean or besmirch them in any way, and I think it is GOOD that we remember them, that we still mourn them even as we strive to move past our grief and work towards a more positive future. One in which, I hope, terrorism finds no foothold and innocent civilians aren't slaughtered in the name of ideas that can't be fought, only died for.

This is why no one will say 'Happy September 11th.' There's nothing happy about it. Maybe someday there will be, some good that rises from the ashes of the Trade Centers. Someday we will say 'That was terrible, but look how...'

But not today.

Today, our heads will hang a little lower, we will sigh a few more times than usual. We will REMEMBER and we will mourn. We may not even be sure what we're mourning. The loss of a certain innocence, the beginning of a new time of fear and violence, the death of thousands of civilians and subsequently thousands of soldiers and even more civilians in countries we don't even correctly pronounce the name of half the time. We will remember the shock, the loss for words as somewhere in our heads, we screamed, "This cannot be happening."

Maybe we will remember the moment we realized things were never going to be totally the same again. Something changed. It's chimeric, and we may never be able to quantify it, but the change is there.

Maybe...if we're feeling cynical...we'll remember the individuals, the groups that then and now try to use our grief as a platform for their own ends, confused, misguided or just plain wrong though they may be. But I don't think we'll dwell on them for long.

We see the consequences of this day everywhere. It is now woven into our national fabric.

Today, we just remember THIS day. Not what came after. Not what could have been, though certainly that is laced into the grief. Just today.

And even though it will have different meaning for all of us, as separate as the geographical divides of this huge, great nation, somewhere, I hope some small part of us takes comfort in the knowledge that on some level, we are all remembering today together.

Even though we won't say it.