11:45ish "Lunch Break" (This is a joke because I never get to actually eat lunch)
I love my job. I love my kids.
Sometimes though, I want to shake them till their ears pop off.
It wouldn't be so bad if I slept all through the night, but I don't. I wake up several times, do the whole tossing dance. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am, how relaxed I was before bed. I blame my traitor brain.
And it wouldn't matter to the same extent if my head didn't hurt, but I've had a raging headache since I got up. I won't call it a migraine because real migraines involve nausea and dizziness. I DO get vertigo sometimes and a bit of dizziness and I did feel gross when I woke up, but that isn't connected. My head just hurts. The sun is shining which makes everyone happy but means I've got stabbing pains everytime I walk down the hall.
I walk down the hall a lot.
It's not even concentrated in one particular place, moves all over place, throbs here, aches there.
So I'm aware that it isn't all their fault. I get that.
But boy if they don't make every effort to make me forget.
There's no school tomorrow, it is a teacher workday. I will have lots of CBT (computer based training) to do, and my paraprofessional modules. I've purposefully put all of it off knowing this work day was coming up. If I 'don't have anything to do,' they find things both mundane and irritating, so I'd like to avoid that if possible.
Among other things, this meant the kids has to take their spelling tests today instead of tomorrow. ONE student got an A, and she just got the words yesterday. Three failed, two got C's, two got B's. I'm not sure what the others got.
The ones that failed get to retake the tests but it won't matter. We've gotten on these kids every day, reminding them, offered help, begged them to come in, berated, taken lunch recess away. Nothing works. Some are just defiant, some just don't care. And when you say 'Okay, so you get an F,' then they whine and make excuses or they sit and sulk.
The bad grades in and of themselves would not be so bad. Everyone messes up a week here and there. But these are the same kids who refuse to read the books they are assigned and so are very behind in Reading Counts (our reading program). And the same ones that won't turn in class projects. And the same ones that bully others or throw pine cones. And have no organization. So there's nothing I can point to and go 'At least you're doing THIS well.'
It gets very tiring to get up in the same grills all the time.
One is particularly difficult because I know it isn't all his fault. As far as I can tell, he has almost no real adult supervision. Both his parents work. Several days he's come to school without socks. He has the worst haircut you can imagine and that's a frequent occurence. I see him playing around our neighborhood alone all the time. Oh, and he told me there are mice in his room. Not pet mice. Like vermin.
So I think when adults get on his case, he's genuinely surprised because he's just not used to it. However, I still have to do it, still bring down the hammer because that's the only way he will learn.
It's difficult because a lot of my kids have almost no one on Their Side. Most of them have friends and whatnot, but several don't have close buds. They don't trust anyone, some with better reasons than others. I want my kids to trust me. But I can't let them think it is okay going through life the way they are now, because I do them no favors by letting them fail.
There's another student with parents that worry me. I feel like I'm putting together some expose. 'How Stupid Military Parents (usually in Maintenance or Medgroup, just saying) Screw Up Their Children (which is especially awesome considering their kids have special needs) Through Craziness and Neglect.' Catchy title, I know.
I'm strongly considering calling Family Advocacy for this one. He looks like he never showers, always greasy haired and whatnot. His parents' idea of 'lunch' is a poptart and some pork rinds. I'm not making that up. He's a bully, not...not an evil or even particularly bad kid, but he's got a mouth on him and he can be agressive and I know he gets that at home. I've met his mom and she's crazy. She told us we had no right to 'comment or grade' his behavior because that was the parents' job. Okay, then homeschool him. Because he's in our room for social and learning disabilities and therefore, we are totally required to grade his behavior, ASIDE from the fact that when you are around other people there are ways you are expected to behave and he has to know that. Anyway, like I said, bonkers.
Last week he told me he was going to be left home alone almost all day over the weekend. If it wasn't for the fact Family Advocacy was closed by the time I got off work, I would have already filed some kind of concern.
I don't want to be THAT person, the nosy-break-up-homes type, but it really worries me.
2:45 School Ended/Post Classroom Cleanup
Feeling much better now. Thank the gods Apollo (of medicine) and Hecate (of willow and therefore willow bark) for aspirin. Today is also my 'fast' day, so I've snacked a bit (including some bits of steak) but am not eating any meals today, just my protein shake (which is deceptively delicious), and enough calories to be healthy to get through the day (about 600). This is to make up for the stupid food I will end up eating over the weekend like pizza and cider.
I'm trying to lose 10-20 pounds by New Year in a notstupid way. I feel like a total tool counting calories because in my experience, people who do that expect OTHER people to accomodate them or they make big deals about it to impress people. Which...I realize is what it exactly looks like I'm doing, but I'm not trying to impress anybody. So I keep track of what I eat (this is made easy by the fact I never get to eat lunch), and I try to work out. As most of you know, this can be difficult because I have the joints of a 200 year old elephant.
Currently, I do 'girl' pushups (where I rest on my knees), planks (where I rest on my forearms), hang off a pull up bar, and do some work with hand weights. It isn't much and I suck at it. The spirit is willing, believe me. I get started three or four times a day. But apparently, despite being inked four times and having studs punched in my back (and subsequently having one pulled out of totally damaged skin), I don't have the greatest pain tolerance. I think it's mostly a mental thing. It isn't that I can't deal with pain, it's that part of my brain starts to panic and shut down. This affects other areas of my life that I'm not going to go into now, but suffice to say, I hate it and want it to die.
Anyway, I'm supposed to do 15 pushups, 3 plank sets and be able to hang off the pull up bar for something like 30 seconds. I can do most of those things but not in a row. I take comfort in the fact I'm getting better but it bothers me that instead of finding my limit and pushing through so that the limit gets farther back, I find my limit and stop. However, I've only just started, so I'm not discouraged yet.
The other thing I'm doing is going to the pool a lot. Or at least I will be. The universe apparently noticed me trying to be healthy and active and flipped out, angered by my desire to leave my hermitage. So two pipes in my car exploded. Not really exploded, though that would have been cool, if terrifying. Just broke so I couldn't drive it. I can't walk to the pool (I COULD technically, but England doesn't believe in sidewalks), so I have to wait till my car is fixed (hopefully tomorrow). After that, the plan is to go something like four days a week. Three days a week, the pool does a 'water fitness' class, rather like an aerobics class but in the water. Last time I did it, it absolutely kicked my ass, but then last time I did it, I was kind of hungover. And by kind of, I mean, I am a total and complete idiot. Hopefully, next time with proper hydration and rest, I will not die quite so hard. An hour work out either way though is great, and I'm glad for the external help.
One day a week, I will do something called Aquagym, which has actual equipment. Sunday I am supposed to be 'inducted' where they will show me how to do stuff. Really, I'm hoping these four days will make the big difference, but I know the every day stuff is important too. I'm pretty good about doing the hand weights ('punching' with them for a minute, holding them out for as long as I can, etc) mostly because I can do that sitting down or for short periods of time.
3:30 Why Am I Still Here
I've been told that what I need to do about the students I'm worried about is talk to the School Nurse and Counselor. This is true, but I'm not convinced it will do anything. They aren't...the best at doing their, you know, jobs. We've tried to get one of the students in the Counselor's 'Boys Group' all last year and all this year, and so far, he has done nothing. And the nurse is aware of the poptarts issue, but she hasn't done much either. Still, here's hoping, because something has to be done.
Going to pop over to the library. I found out that the other base's library is closed on the weekends because they don't have the staff to keep it open. I tried to ask if I could volunteer, but they said I had to talk to the manager. Who apparently is a wraith because I've never gotten ahold of her yet, but maybe this base's librarians know her and can pass along a message. Would be cool to feel I had saved the library.
Not a bad looking day outside, going to wear my tinted glasses and listen to music. Then I have to grade essays for my online class. Not looking forward to that. Of the 4, 2 are complete rubbish, 1 is okay and 1 is almost okay. Then some lectures, and then done with the class.
So that's what's going on in Meland. Lots of augh, but probably not so bad as to justify this long rant. Thanks for listening anyway.
I love my job. I love my kids.
Sometimes though, I want to shake them till their ears pop off.
It wouldn't be so bad if I slept all through the night, but I don't. I wake up several times, do the whole tossing dance. It doesn't matter how exhausted I am, how relaxed I was before bed. I blame my traitor brain.
And it wouldn't matter to the same extent if my head didn't hurt, but I've had a raging headache since I got up. I won't call it a migraine because real migraines involve nausea and dizziness. I DO get vertigo sometimes and a bit of dizziness and I did feel gross when I woke up, but that isn't connected. My head just hurts. The sun is shining which makes everyone happy but means I've got stabbing pains everytime I walk down the hall.
I walk down the hall a lot.
It's not even concentrated in one particular place, moves all over place, throbs here, aches there.
So I'm aware that it isn't all their fault. I get that.
But boy if they don't make every effort to make me forget.
There's no school tomorrow, it is a teacher workday. I will have lots of CBT (computer based training) to do, and my paraprofessional modules. I've purposefully put all of it off knowing this work day was coming up. If I 'don't have anything to do,' they find things both mundane and irritating, so I'd like to avoid that if possible.
Among other things, this meant the kids has to take their spelling tests today instead of tomorrow. ONE student got an A, and she just got the words yesterday. Three failed, two got C's, two got B's. I'm not sure what the others got.
The ones that failed get to retake the tests but it won't matter. We've gotten on these kids every day, reminding them, offered help, begged them to come in, berated, taken lunch recess away. Nothing works. Some are just defiant, some just don't care. And when you say 'Okay, so you get an F,' then they whine and make excuses or they sit and sulk.
The bad grades in and of themselves would not be so bad. Everyone messes up a week here and there. But these are the same kids who refuse to read the books they are assigned and so are very behind in Reading Counts (our reading program). And the same ones that won't turn in class projects. And the same ones that bully others or throw pine cones. And have no organization. So there's nothing I can point to and go 'At least you're doing THIS well.'
It gets very tiring to get up in the same grills all the time.
One is particularly difficult because I know it isn't all his fault. As far as I can tell, he has almost no real adult supervision. Both his parents work. Several days he's come to school without socks. He has the worst haircut you can imagine and that's a frequent occurence. I see him playing around our neighborhood alone all the time. Oh, and he told me there are mice in his room. Not pet mice. Like vermin.
So I think when adults get on his case, he's genuinely surprised because he's just not used to it. However, I still have to do it, still bring down the hammer because that's the only way he will learn.
It's difficult because a lot of my kids have almost no one on Their Side. Most of them have friends and whatnot, but several don't have close buds. They don't trust anyone, some with better reasons than others. I want my kids to trust me. But I can't let them think it is okay going through life the way they are now, because I do them no favors by letting them fail.
There's another student with parents that worry me. I feel like I'm putting together some expose. 'How Stupid Military Parents (usually in Maintenance or Medgroup, just saying) Screw Up Their Children (which is especially awesome considering their kids have special needs) Through Craziness and Neglect.' Catchy title, I know.
I'm strongly considering calling Family Advocacy for this one. He looks like he never showers, always greasy haired and whatnot. His parents' idea of 'lunch' is a poptart and some pork rinds. I'm not making that up. He's a bully, not...not an evil or even particularly bad kid, but he's got a mouth on him and he can be agressive and I know he gets that at home. I've met his mom and she's crazy. She told us we had no right to 'comment or grade' his behavior because that was the parents' job. Okay, then homeschool him. Because he's in our room for social and learning disabilities and therefore, we are totally required to grade his behavior, ASIDE from the fact that when you are around other people there are ways you are expected to behave and he has to know that. Anyway, like I said, bonkers.
Last week he told me he was going to be left home alone almost all day over the weekend. If it wasn't for the fact Family Advocacy was closed by the time I got off work, I would have already filed some kind of concern.
I don't want to be THAT person, the nosy-break-up-homes type, but it really worries me.
2:45 School Ended/Post Classroom Cleanup
Feeling much better now. Thank the gods Apollo (of medicine) and Hecate (of willow and therefore willow bark) for aspirin. Today is also my 'fast' day, so I've snacked a bit (including some bits of steak) but am not eating any meals today, just my protein shake (which is deceptively delicious), and enough calories to be healthy to get through the day (about 600). This is to make up for the stupid food I will end up eating over the weekend like pizza and cider.
I'm trying to lose 10-20 pounds by New Year in a notstupid way. I feel like a total tool counting calories because in my experience, people who do that expect OTHER people to accomodate them or they make big deals about it to impress people. Which...I realize is what it exactly looks like I'm doing, but I'm not trying to impress anybody. So I keep track of what I eat (this is made easy by the fact I never get to eat lunch), and I try to work out. As most of you know, this can be difficult because I have the joints of a 200 year old elephant.
Currently, I do 'girl' pushups (where I rest on my knees), planks (where I rest on my forearms), hang off a pull up bar, and do some work with hand weights. It isn't much and I suck at it. The spirit is willing, believe me. I get started three or four times a day. But apparently, despite being inked four times and having studs punched in my back (and subsequently having one pulled out of totally damaged skin), I don't have the greatest pain tolerance. I think it's mostly a mental thing. It isn't that I can't deal with pain, it's that part of my brain starts to panic and shut down. This affects other areas of my life that I'm not going to go into now, but suffice to say, I hate it and want it to die.
Anyway, I'm supposed to do 15 pushups, 3 plank sets and be able to hang off the pull up bar for something like 30 seconds. I can do most of those things but not in a row. I take comfort in the fact I'm getting better but it bothers me that instead of finding my limit and pushing through so that the limit gets farther back, I find my limit and stop. However, I've only just started, so I'm not discouraged yet.
The other thing I'm doing is going to the pool a lot. Or at least I will be. The universe apparently noticed me trying to be healthy and active and flipped out, angered by my desire to leave my hermitage. So two pipes in my car exploded. Not really exploded, though that would have been cool, if terrifying. Just broke so I couldn't drive it. I can't walk to the pool (I COULD technically, but England doesn't believe in sidewalks), so I have to wait till my car is fixed (hopefully tomorrow). After that, the plan is to go something like four days a week. Three days a week, the pool does a 'water fitness' class, rather like an aerobics class but in the water. Last time I did it, it absolutely kicked my ass, but then last time I did it, I was kind of hungover. And by kind of, I mean, I am a total and complete idiot. Hopefully, next time with proper hydration and rest, I will not die quite so hard. An hour work out either way though is great, and I'm glad for the external help.
One day a week, I will do something called Aquagym, which has actual equipment. Sunday I am supposed to be 'inducted' where they will show me how to do stuff. Really, I'm hoping these four days will make the big difference, but I know the every day stuff is important too. I'm pretty good about doing the hand weights ('punching' with them for a minute, holding them out for as long as I can, etc) mostly because I can do that sitting down or for short periods of time.
3:30 Why Am I Still Here
I've been told that what I need to do about the students I'm worried about is talk to the School Nurse and Counselor. This is true, but I'm not convinced it will do anything. They aren't...the best at doing their, you know, jobs. We've tried to get one of the students in the Counselor's 'Boys Group' all last year and all this year, and so far, he has done nothing. And the nurse is aware of the poptarts issue, but she hasn't done much either. Still, here's hoping, because something has to be done.
Going to pop over to the library. I found out that the other base's library is closed on the weekends because they don't have the staff to keep it open. I tried to ask if I could volunteer, but they said I had to talk to the manager. Who apparently is a wraith because I've never gotten ahold of her yet, but maybe this base's librarians know her and can pass along a message. Would be cool to feel I had saved the library.
Not a bad looking day outside, going to wear my tinted glasses and listen to music. Then I have to grade essays for my online class. Not looking forward to that. Of the 4, 2 are complete rubbish, 1 is okay and 1 is almost okay. Then some lectures, and then done with the class.
So that's what's going on in Meland. Lots of augh, but probably not so bad as to justify this long rant. Thanks for listening anyway.
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